my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Randomize
