So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
