The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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