FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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