Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
