i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
