ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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