Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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