im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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