you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
