What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
