Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
