I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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