Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
