cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
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