oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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