I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize