do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
