i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
