Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
