I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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