There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
