I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
