Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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