Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
