Umm I'm too high to move.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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