i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Watching her eat just hurts me
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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