Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
