gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize