They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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