69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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