you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
