I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
We are two peas in an std pod
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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