There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
