I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
someone owes me an orgasm
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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