You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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