I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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