So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
