from now on my penis is your penis
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
and she was petting her beer can
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
