sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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