every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
