Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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