Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
