I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
