Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
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