I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
