i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
