oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize