Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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