This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
