Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
