Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
