So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
