Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
My pussy is not your playground.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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