Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
