There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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