I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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