I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
