watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
