how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
