i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
