...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Four minutes until I can fart!
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
