I'm so fucking centered right now
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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