dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
