when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
