the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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