question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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