I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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