The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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