need another drink. this is the easiest way
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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