everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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