I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
