I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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