I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
