i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
