we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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