This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
The Olympian is in my bed
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
