You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i think i have herpe
just one?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
