for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
