Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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