how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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